This is always a difficult topic to think about, but it’s one that often does come up.  Who will raise your nieces and nephews if anything happens to your sibling?

In the Summer of 2006, the Barber family of San Diego was in a terrible car crash that left the three young sons of the family without their parents.

Within a couple of days, Aunt Jeanie had come forward to take care of the kids and moved into the family home, temporarily.

Unfortunately, Aunt Melissa didn’t agree that Aunt Jeanie should be raising the boys. She thought she would be the better choice.

Mom and dad had never put what they wanted in writing and that oversight turned into a year long battle in the California courts about who should raise the three boys.  The Court ultimately decided Aunt Jeanie should raise the boys and a publicly appointed custodian should take care of the money left behind for them. 

By then, the whole family had been torn apart.

Before you think this would never happen in your family, think again.  The Barber family was the all-American family.  Lots of siblings on both sides and apparently as close as could be.  Until tragedy struck and it all went to pieces.

Talking about who would be guardians for your nieces and nephews can be difficult, but it’s so important to do.

And, you can facilitate this discussion in a way that makes it easy for your siblings.  Here’s how:

1.    Raise the issue in a matter of fact way by saying something like:  Hey Sis, I was just reading an article about a family that hadn’t named guardians for their kids and then something happened to the parents and there was a big family fight.  Have you given this issue any thought for Janie and Joey?

2.    Offer to be the Guardian (if you are willing) without attachment to who your siblings ultimately choose, but let your sibling know that if a different decision is made, you will be supportive of whatever choice is made as long as a decision is made and legally documented.

3.    Understand that your sibling is not the only decision maker in the family and that the decision is a joint decision between both parents and that you cannot be aware of everything that goes into the decision.

4.    Make sure your sibling avoids making any of the 6 common mistakes.  Most parents make at least 1 of 6 common mistakes when naming guardians.  Read about them at www.KidsProtectionPlan.com and then share them with your sibling so that he or she doesn’t make them too.

By raising the issue of guardianship with your sibling and helping your sibling to make a decision without guilt or shame, you will be doing your whole family a huge favor.